He blocked her, moving towards her without looking away. She felt the cold wall behind her as she stepped back returning his gaze. What led them to this place, she can't quite remember. Her heart beat came like gasps. She was angry but she felt different with his face close to hers for perhaps the first time. She looked over his shoulder for a second, when she looked back at him, his eyes were closed. He put one hand beside her head on the wall, narrowing her choices of escape. But when he rested his forehead on hers, she didn’t want to go away just yet. Maybe a second longer and then she would really leave like she supposed to a long time ago.
His jaw worked. She could feel his eyebrows furrowing against her forehead. When he slowly lifted his hand to her waist, she pushed him away.
The anger crept up her. Distance did her good. “"Do you love me?"
He looked at her now. He stifled a laugh but he was clearly not amused.
She smiled too, bitter and nostalgic. She kept her eyes down, her voice a whisper. Why was she even asking when she knew the answer.
“Why do you have to make it so hard? Every time I tried to walk away, you held my hand, you touched my hair, you looked at me – you pulled me in and I gave in every time.” She looked at him then, “Every. Time.”
Her throat closed up. She held back her tears. Then, nothing. You lift me off the ground then leave me hanging.
He watched her. “I'm sorry". He looked down, shaking his head. He couldn’t meet her eyes.
She wondered briefly if that was pain in his eyes but she brushed the thought away. Hope was killing her softly.
“Is it really that hard for you to just love me?” She forced a little smile even though it might break what’s left of her heart and wiped away a stray tear. She moved past him. She didn’t want to look back, to see if he would follow her. She shook her head furiously keeping those hopes away forever.
“I can't stay away from you.” Her legs weakened at the sound of his voice, she had to stop to keep herself from falling. “But that's not enough, isn't it?”
She tilted her head back, suddenly her tears were running down her cheeks, forcing them back again. She turned around, just to see his face long enough to remember every curve. "No."
He tried to move, closer to her, but she stopped him short. "Don't. Let me go." She looked at his eyes one last time before walking away.
She thought of the long days she would try to forget him, of the empty nights she would long for him. She turned to look back and saw him walk away the opposite direction.
That night seemed endless.. but it did.
No comments:
Post a Comment