Crave

Letting you slip away is such a terrible waste, it’s consuming me.
I could’ve had you for a couple of touches and it will be the world for me.

They stare at me while I crave you.

Book intuition

I miss walking on aisles lined with bookshelves, spending hours - but it never feels that way - reading title after title, going nowhere exactly but every step has a purpose that leads me to that one book. Then I just know. Magical.

I dream of entering a bookstore, covered with spines from ceiling to floor, light seeping through cracks on the spaces between books. It's the only maze I'd never wanna get out of.

The feeling of letting time slip away, no worries, because time seem to slow when I'm surrounded with books.

OD on metaphors

Have you ever looked up at the sky long enough, your stomach dips like it does before falling? You suddenly feel the earth has shifted and you're falling, falling up into the clouds, its side tinged with light like its dipped in the melting sun.

It's the same feeling at night, when you look up, the sky has transformed into a big black veil, a streak of purple vanishing in the horizon. The stars look back at you, winking, blinking, waiting. Then you have the urge to fall up into the sky. It feels like falling. Like running instead of walking. You're falling instead of flying.

When you look up at the sky, it doesn't matter which way is up or down, you want to fall up into the clouds and the stars. You want to jump from the earth up into the sky, not fly, like a big blanket to save your fall.

Day 22 – Favorite book you own

My heart goes out to every book I own.


Every book is a door that leads to beautifully written words and poignant characters, you wish it would swallow you whole and you were them. Every book holds a certain feeling or place or person, your bookshelf has your memories folded in paperbacks. x

I'm not good with titles

They lay tangled with the covers. She watched him sleeping, yellow light seeping through the windows. She watched as shadows danced on his bare chest, rising and falling to the rhythm of his soft breath. His eyelashes touched the top of his cheeks. His mouth slightly parted. She couldn’t bear not to reach out, to feel him beneath her fingertips. She traced his lips, touched his ear, lay her palm flatly on his heart. He smiled with eyes closed, holding her hand with his, and pulling her in with the other. She kissed his neck, her lips unmoving, and breathed in his scent. His skin was dark, golden where the sun touched it. And when he looked at her, his eyes gave everything he saw, the lost innocence of a boy only war could take.

The sun rose higher and he made her breakfast. She sat at the counter with his shirt on and watched him, the muscles on his back, the broad shoulders that led to his thin waist. He would catch her looking and winked, a devilish smile on his lips. He is the most beautiful creature she ever saw. She couldn’t stop marveling that he was hers. That every stolen glance, every hidden spot, every morning like this was her possession. She loved him with every imperfection that made him beautiful. She adored every battle scar that kept him alive and brought him home to her.

He was watching her against the diamonds above, her hair shining from the moonlight, dancing around her face. She was looking up at the star-drunk sky. He passed the last bottle left, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. From where they lay, on the hood of his hand-me-down car, they just might fall over the edge skyward into the black ocean that seemed everywhere. He felt inconsequential, and somehow he knew she felt it too.

But she felt anxious instead of that. She saw nothing but the sky, the stars that seem to invite her, the wind that blew the grass and carried the minty scent of his smoke after the cigarette was long gone. She stared up at the sky too long, she felt like falling in it. She almost felt it, when the wind blew and she shivered. It was like standing on the edge just before a fall. She wanted that feeling forever, brought the bottle to her wet lips, her eyes bright.

She was everywhere, his sky, and he loved her.

Beneath the stars, pleasantly drunk, their features softened by the moonlight, they were infinite in each other. It was more than love could offer.

08-08-11

Sorry means nothing

And it breaks my heart what love has turned us into.

Longing turning into anger,

fists pounding instead of arms holding,

words into thorns,

fingertips slicing,

fingerprints bruising,

chasing me away,

pushing me off the edge.

Yesterday we felt like forever,

today, tomorrow is not ours.

I don’t want to sleep if it means I’ll dream of you.

I don’t want to stay awake if it means I’ll think of you.

Where do I go?

I want to fly

My heart is beating wildly like it’s grown a thousand wings fluttering,

and all I want to do at that moment is take off.

To feel the wind in my face, the stars in my fingertips,

the blinding lights blurring in a straight line as I go faster and faster,

away from my bed,

above the ground,

and take me to that magical fountain

where I tossed that quarter with all my wanderlust in it.

(Photo taken at Central Park, New York)

Sober

You smell like cigarettes,

like hazy nights,

like starless skies.

Your face reminds me of a kiss,

soft and smooth,

yet wild with desire.

Your touch is my heroine,

my longing,

lust, my only sin.

Your breath in my ear,

intoxicating,

perforating through me.

I shiver inside,

gripping that moment,

slipping,

like sand between my fingers.

When the liquor wears off,

every beautiful second,

every teasing smile,

every half-lidded glance,

is soon gone.

Runaway

The trees seemed to move past behind us, pushing us closer to where the starless sky meets the sea. Her eyes were closed, but she was smiling. Her hair was caught up in the wind, sending the intoxicating scent to me. I inhaled deeply, half dreaming, half contented. I shifted gear to third and the world outside moved faster. I looked at you from the corner of my eyes, your head leaning on your folded arms on the door frame. The windows were down, the midnight air crisp and cold, but I was warm. Mountains appeared on either side of the tranquil road as the sky turned purple with streaks of fire. I turned off the radio. I can hear you breathe. I can hear my heartbeat. You lift your head up and inhaled. You turned to look at me, “I can smell the sea!”

I smiled to myself, thinking this was the right thing to do.

I could almost hear the waves crashing.

You climbed out before I stopped the engine, running out to the seawall. I watched you remove your high heeled shoes, your shoulders dipping one after the other. Then you ran down the steps to the sand, stopping only once just to turn around and smile up at me, “Are you coming or not?”

As if I could stand still when your hair’s a mess, your dress strikingly out of place. It was made for your wedding.

The memory of that afternoon came back. I went down the seawall and ran to you. If I was even a second too late, I could’ve lost you forever.

I held your face in both my hands, lifting your eyes to mine. “I’ll take you back to him. I can wait for you.” I could feel the emptiness spread through my chest as I said the words, wanting to believe myself. Waiting - hoping - to hear her say...

“No,” your hand travelled to my neck, clutching my hair. “I’m staying with you.”

The waves invited us, reaching our feet and ruined your wedding dress.

The night ended

He blocked her, moving towards her without looking away. She felt the cold wall behind her as she stepped back returning his gaze. What led them to this place, she can't quite remember. Her heart beat came like gasps. She was angry but she felt different with his face close to hers for perhaps the first time. She looked over his shoulder for a second, when she looked back at him, his eyes were closed. He put one hand beside her head on the wall, narrowing her choices of escape. But when he rested his forehead on hers, she didn’t want to go away just yet. Maybe a second longer and then she would really leave like she supposed to a long time ago.

His jaw worked. She could feel his eyebrows furrowing against her forehead. When he slowly lifted his hand to her waist, she pushed him away.

The anger crept up her. Distance did her good. “"Do you love me?"

He looked at her now. He stifled a laugh but he was clearly not amused.

She smiled too, bitter and nostalgic. She kept her eyes down, her voice a whisper. Why was she even asking when she knew the answer.

“Why do you have to make it so hard? Every time I tried to walk away, you held my hand, you touched my hair, you looked at me – you pulled me in and I gave in every time.” She looked at him then, “Every. Time.”

Her throat closed up. She held back her tears. Then, nothing. You lift me off the ground then leave me hanging.

He watched her. “I'm sorry". He looked down, shaking his head. He couldn’t meet her eyes.

She wondered briefly if that was pain in his eyes but she brushed the thought away. Hope was killing her softly.

“Is it really that hard for you to just love me?” She forced a little smile even though it might break what’s left of her heart and wiped away a stray tear. She moved past him. She didn’t want to look back, to see if he would follow her. She shook her head furiously keeping those hopes away forever.

“I can't stay away from you.” Her legs weakened at the sound of his voice, she had to stop to keep herself from falling. “But that's not enough, isn't it?”

She tilted her head back, suddenly her tears were running down her cheeks, forcing them back again. She turned around, just to see his face long enough to remember every curve. "No."

He tried to move, closer to her, but she stopped him short. "Don't. Let me go." She looked at his eyes one last time before walking away.

She thought of the long days she would try to forget him, of the empty nights she would long for him. She turned to look back and saw him walk away the opposite direction.

That night seemed endless.. but it did.

Prologue

Time, they make past lovers to strangers.

The ballroom was filled, voices floating trying to be heard over the other but all Georgiana Aberdeen could hear were mere whispers, her own thoughts drowned everything else. Her heart leaped when she thought she heard his name. She stood still, refusing to follow the turn of the heads to the opposite direction in acknowledgement to the gentleman who just came in. She began to lift her foot in an attempt to walk away but failed. He was but a step, a heartbeat away. His countenance soon change into familiarity, of reserved affection, but the warmth of his smile showed nothing more, then a straight line of his lips came when he realized it was not the right emotion in seeing her thus. She turned around...

A day

The morning light spilled across the floor, reaching the tips of his eyelashes. I watched the rise and fall of his chest, his face still resembling a smile. I longed to touch his hair, it was just hours ago that I ran my fingers through them, a memory that warmed my heart and lit a smile on my face. I hurried from where I sat watching him near the window to his side, tracing his body with mine. My hand rested on his bare chest, and he turned to pull me in. His arms tightened around me sending shivers up my spine. He kissed the top of my head, his lips unmoving. I closed my eyes, hearing his every heartbeat answer to my own.

The words floated in the air, unspoken yet understood. Stay. Forget everything, just for today.

The world fell away beyond the white covers. We were high above tucked away in a cloud. Maybe sometime we’ll remember to go back, but this moment is ours.